The Best Sex and Dating Posts of August 2014

I read some amazing blog posts this month and these are the ones that I’m still thinking about. Rori is looking for the best sex blogger post of the year and it is going to be impossible to narrow it down to three.

Did I miss anything? Send me a link to the posts I missed — self-promotion encouraged.

The Dirty Normal

Emily has a fantastic series on how men can compliment women. As that I find compliments fascinating, 1 I think you should check out the entire series:

Vagina Antics

Two from Vagina Antics this month. First, Nikki Blue talks about sex and obligation and how to find a balance. It’s important stuff and she handles it beautifully.

“You didn’t have to fuck me,” I said.

“But I felt like I did.”

And there it was. Regardless of how exhausted or how ill he was, he felt pressured to fuck me to make up for the time we’d been apart; to keep me happy.

For the first time in our relationship, I felt like an obligation– a sex one.

Heather Cole somehow manages to describe her last night with her sir in a way that’s both scintillating and vulnerable.

My cheeks turned scarlet, but I was grinning too. His pleasure and satisfaction with the situation were almost palpable, and I felt an overwhelming sense of pride. I did that for him. On our last night together, I had given him a memory unique to any other experience we had in our collective sexual pasts. I was his girl, and I didn’t know of a better way to show it.

Dr. NerdLove

Harris O’Malley dissects toxic masculinity and how it hurts men, women, and everyone.

See, one of the unspoken tenets of hypermasculinity is that masculinity is an external creation – and that means it’s something that ultimately taken from you. Not just lost, mind you, actively taken.

Not Just Bitchy

Stabbity talks about service and makes me realize that while I love providing service to my partner, I am not a service sub.

I understand that it can be hard to let go of the vision of your ideal relationship, but come on guys. Either you give a shit about the actual living breathing human being you’re in a relationship with or you don’t. If you care more about the fantasy than the person, don’t go acting all surprised when she doesn’t seem to care that much about what you want either.

CAVA Supernova

Cava Supernova is branching out into BDSM and it is ridiculously hot to read about. Make sure you don’t miss part two.

There, sprawled out like a giant starfish and dead to the world, lay six foot three of slumbering 22-year-old.

All arms and legs and tufty bed-hair, he was lying on his back, wearing strangely familiar underwear.

Black knickers.

Black lace knickers with little pink frills.

My knickers.

His morning hard-on had sprung bloke-ishly out of one of the lace-trimmed leg holes.

Girl On the Net

Girl On the Net tackles the fucked up system of using strippers as corporate incentives. Read the comments.

I hope you’ll cry ‘thank Christ for that, I don’t have to live up to this weird cut-out stereotype of masculinity any more.’ I hope you’ll realise that bringing women into an industry and kicking obligatory sex shows out of it is a net win for all of us. And I hope that in fifty years time you look back not on the ‘good old days’ of Pete from Head Office treating you to a lapdance, but the even better days of not feeling forced into some weird misogynist ritual just to prove your worth in the workplace.

 Dumb Domme

The end of a relationship is awful so I really appreciate what Dumb Domme is sharing with us.

The last ring stays on our collar.

If our paths cross again, I want to put our rings back on our collar and put the collar back on the boy. I want him to be my boy again — not forever, but maybe for a little while.

It’s not a promise, it’s not wishful thinking, and it’s not false hope. It’s possibility.

It’s all I’ve got at the moment, and that’s what I’m holding onto.

Just Being Honest

I'm not being mean, I'm just being honest.

If you have to tell people you’re not being mean, you are.

Welcome to another episode of “Things I Hate About Craigslist Personals!” Not that this shitty behavior is limited to Craigslist, but that’s what I was reading when I remembered how much I hate the phrase “just being honest”.

You’re not being honest, you’re being fucking rude

People use this phrase when they’ve just said something they know is offensive, but they don’t want to deal with the consequences of being a douche.

“Like my tittle says im just being honest…im looking for a woman u see I used that word because I dnt have time for little girl games, so im looking for a lady that can be my gf but that dnt mind that I have a man..”

She doesn’t have time for “little girl games” but she’s advertising in W4W for a partner for herself and her boyfriend? No, she’s not being honest, she’s being entitled.

“I tend to like females who are cute, healthy, fun, 18-30′ish and with big boobs. I recently had a young girlfriend with big boobs and I enjoyed it quite a bit (just being honest).”

This guy is 47 but he’s only looking for women 1/2 – 2/3 his age with big boobs. He goes on and on about how much he likes busty women (I cut most of his post to spare you), but he never manages to talk about women, including his ex,1 as anything more than a set of (big, did he mention he likes big?) tits.

He’s not being honest, he’s objectifying women. He didn’t even have the decency to put this bullshit in casual encounters.

“Just being honest” is an apology

Someone shares something about themselves or politely states a preference and then immediately apologizes with “just being honest”. I see this all the time, and while it’s not rude, it doesn’t show you at your best if you’re apologizing for being who you are.

“I also have a very high sex drive just being honest.”

It is okay to have a high sex drive — especially if you’re advertising for a hookup on Craigslist. However, there’s never any reason to apologize for your sex drive; compatible sex drives are hugely important in any relationship. Just be judicious about when you mention it: it’s cool to say so right away if you’re looking for a friend with benefits, 2 but wait until sex comes up organically if you’re looking for a more traditional relationship.

“this is all new to me, I am a little slow on how to do this I am just being honest”

New to online dating? Dating for the first time in a very long time? Never tried Craigslist before? There’s no need to apologize for any of that. If you’re polite, practice good communication, and treat others the way you want to be treated, you’ll learn quickly with a minimum of misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

“I prefer the corporate/fashion type. Call me shallow but im just being honest in what i want!”

You get to be attracted to who you're attracted to. No apologies. #attraction

Speaking as someone with only one real pair of heels (they look fantastic with my maid uniform), I’m never going to call you shallow just because you prefer someone else’s fashion sense. Looks do matter and it’s important to be attracted to your date. As long as you express your preferences politely, without bashing people who don’t match those preferences, there is no need to apologize for this.

Many people seem to believe that it is rude not to be physically attracted to everyone, regardless of body type, fashion sense, or other physical characteristics. No. Just no. You get to be attracted to who you’re attracted to. You do have to respect other people and their own preferences, but you don’t have to share them.


I recently started using Bloglovin’ and I’m enjoying it. You can follow me here, but who should I be following? Self-promotion encouraged.


  1. Under no circumstances is it a good idea to mention your ex in your personal ad.

  2. Unless you harp on it incessantly. I once had lunch with a guy as a pre-sex meet and greet and he spent the entire time talking about his high sex drive and big cock and how hard it was to find a woman who could take all the sex his enormous cock needed. After 45 minutes of talking about nothing but his sex drive, I never wanted to see him again.

eLust #61

elust61 maria opens up

Photo courtesy of Maria Opens Up

Welcome to Elust #61 -

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #62? Start with the rules, come back September1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Bloggers, please
I Touch Myself
Stunt Porn / People Porn

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Is sex unsexy? A ‘His & Hers’ post
Van Gogh, an erotic author and a selfie…

 ~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

His Desires

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Anorgasmia in women
One Week On
chatterbox
Safe Craigslist Hookups
Online Dating: How to Talk to People
Stealth Sex Toys-Stash Management
Last Longer In Bed For Men Naturally

Erotic Non-Fiction

Spicing Up Sex Life
Gasp, Shake, Thank You
Again and Again
Fapping to My Photos and Stories
Did you miss me?
Desire….What happens when you can’t succumb?
Off Balance
On the Sofa
The Solace of My Body
Self Given
Orgasms & Ice Cream
Skid Marks

Sex News,Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Nasty
Jacky au royaume des filles
What makes a sex writer?
Dubrovnik whore as metaphor 4 Balkan politics
Am I Pretty or Ugly?

Erotic Fiction

Lonely observations
Fucking and Being Fucked
The Churning Black, Part 4
A Return to Purpose
Bang on Target!
Polished
Please
My Night With Lilith

Writing About Writing

Words That Shouldn’t Be In Erotica
Transhumanist Erotica: Jacked In

Blogging

Just One Look

Thoughts and Advice on Kink and Fetish

The Hotness Of Cockteasing A Guy In Chastity
My eyes are over here
Submissive Men 101 Facts
Emotional Masochism
The time I made him make me safeword

Poetry

Frame Game – A Lusty Limerick

Events

Diana J Torres- Vagaculation Workshop

Craigslist Personals: Appearance Not Important

First, congratulations to Pearl for winning a copy of Can’t Get Enough!


appearance not important

“Huh, he’s a communist. . . . Look at this. ‘Exciting uninhibited woman seeks forward thinking comrade and appearance not important.’ . . . Appearance Not Important! This is unbelievable. Finally, this is an ideology I can embrace.”

I have responded to a lot of Craigslist ads and nothing makes me hit the back button faster than reading that looks don’t matter. This probably comes as a surprise to people who use this line, but I find the concept disgusting. I’m going to explain just why you should never, ever say that appearance isn’t important.

“Looks don’t matter” is utter bullshit.

Maybe appearance isn’t your primary criteria. Maybe you’re specifically looking for someone outside the conventional definition of beauty. Maybe you’re genuinely attracted to a wide range of bodies. None of that changes the fact that what someone looks like does influence how we choose our romantic and sexual partners. Give your potential partners credit for understanding basic human nature. Don’t attempt to manipulate someone with your opening line.

Bodies do matter.

looks don't matterWhen I’m looking for casual sex, I want a fun physical experience and my body is an integral to that experience. If you’re touching my body, I want you to enjoy every moment of it; I want you to value the body you are fucking. There is far more to my body than what I look like, but my appearance is a part of me and I love it. I expect the people I date and the people I fuck to appreciate it, and that includes my appearance.

Saying “appearance not important” is potentially unsafe.

If you don’t value my body enough to see me as physically attractive, do you value me enough to keep me safe via safer sex practices? Will you value me enough to respect my input on the experience I want to have? Can you value me enough to appreciate my efforts to give you pleasure, even if they deviate from your fantasy? As my date or my random, being physically attracted to me is one of the first things you can do to demonstrate your respect and good will. If you’re not attracted to me, show us both some respect by politely declining sex or a date with me.

It makes you sound desperate and unattractive.

Why doesn’t appearance matter to you? Regardless of your reasons, making a point of announcing it will make people wonder about you and it can easily lead to negative assumptions. Typically the more discerning you can afford to be, the more attractive you so if you don’t care about your partner’s appearance, you can’t be attractive. Or perhaps you have other undesirable qualities rendering so desperate for sex you’re willing to take anyone you can get. I realize that logic is flawed, but how much time do you spend reading and analyzing Craigslist ads? I spend just seconds on each ad and Craigslist personals are not the place to give people the benefit of the doubt. Immediately stating that looks don’t matter does not give you an advantage.

What to say instead

I assume that most people who say things like this do so with good intentions. Perhaps you want everyone feel comfortable contacting you. Maybe you’re just trying to avoid prematurely eliminating potential partners. Maybe you have a thing for women with low self-esteem. Whatever. Instead, give people the opportunity to be attractive. Put a positive spin on it and talk about what you like rather than acting like someone’s body isn’t important.

  • “I’m attracted to a wide variety of body types.”
  • “I appreciate that bodies are diverse and I find it easy to see beauty in everyone.”
  • “Your brain will make me love your body.”

How do you approach looks and appearance on Craigslist? Talk to me in the comments or on Twitter.

Can’t Get Enough Blog Tour and Giveaway

can't get enough tenille brown

When Cleis Press offered me a chance to be a part of another blog tour I happily accepted — I had no idea that I’d be working 60 hour work weeks in the two weeks leading up to my tour date. Had I known, I doubt I would have said yes so I would have missed out on the best relaxation tool ever.

I have been coming home tired and stressed. I just want to relax and take a nap. You know what helps me relax? Orgasms. You know what helps me have orgasms? A book full of sexy short stories. If I counted correctly (and after the last two weeks, I’m not sure that I did), there are 27 stories packed into this 204 page book.

So, instead of devouring this book in one or two lazy mornings in bed as I usually do, I’d read a story or two (and often three) after work, have an orgasm, and feel much better about life in general. It has been the best 20 minutes of my day for about two weeks now.

The stories collected by Tenille Brown matched my mood nicely. It’s all about the urgency, that need for sex, or an orgasm, or another person that must be met right now. The short story format doesn’t leave room for extraneous details; these stories are all about the action so I could fit one or two into even the most stressful days.

Here’s an excerpt so you can see what I’m talking about:

Excerpt from “When He Gets Home” by Lucy Felthouse, part of the larger anthology Can’t Get Enough: Erotica for Women edited by Tenille Brown

The moment Nina heard the rumble of her husband’s car engine as he pulled into the drive, she dropped her book and all but leapt out of her chair. Moving fast across the living room, then through the kitchen, she flung open the internal door that led into the garage. Walking in, she closed it behind her. Standing, arms folded, one foot tapping repeatedly on the floor, she waited for Owen to drive the car into the garage, then press the button that shut the door behind him and the vehicle. When the bottom of the up-and-over touched concrete and the car’s ignition was shut off, she practically ran around to the driver’s side and tugged the door open before Owen got the chance.

The sight of his wife standing there, an indeterminable expression on her face, made Owen’s heart sink. He had no idea what was going on, and she never normally came into the garage to meet him when he got home. She didn’t look very happy, either. He didn’t speak, as he suspected whatever he said would be the wrong thing.

Nina didn’t speak, either. There were no words to explain what she was thinking and feeling right now, so she decided that instead of talking, she’d just act. That decided, she leaned forward and touched the button to recline the seat Owen was sitting in. She smirked at his expression—the poor man had no idea what was coming to him. She was going to make sure he’d never forget it, either.

Owen’s body jerked as he responded to the shock of the back support disappearing from behind him. Nina’s expression still looked strange—yet eerily beautiful—and when she rested a palm on his chest and shoved him, he landed on the now-flat backrest with a thump that knocked the air out of his lungs. “W-what are you—?” His hastily spoken words were cut off when Nina straddled his lap and silenced him by leaning down and pressing her lips to his.

Nina couldn’t help but find Owen’s reaction amusing. He looked as though he thought she was going to kill him or something. Despite that, she felt his cock hardening beneath her and was glad her husband’s body was ready, even if his brain couldn’t quite catch up. She knelt up enough so she could slide her hand between their bodies and cup his crotch, squeezing and stroking his rapidly growing erection.

One of my favorite stories was “Rocket Fuel” by Jacqueline Applebee. It’s about a woman who obtains superpowers from cum and it’s both hot and hilarious. Cleis Press is giving away a copy of Can’t Get Enough, and if you want to enter to win just leave a comment telling me what cum-induced superpower you want. Right now, I’m inclined to want super stamina…

Winner chosen on Tuesday, August 12th.

Online Dating: How to Start a Conversation

I received a ton of new messages this week and I’m ignoring most of them because they were fucking awful. None of them were unkind or crude, but a lack of effort put into the very first message sent to a complete stranger that you want to fuck is sad. Let’s go over a few guidelines for writing a decent message.

1. Ask a fucking question.

Hi How are you today ? I am moving to [nearby town] next week for my new job in a research lab. So, i am looking for new friends and people to hangout with. If you are interested, please reply and then we can talk further. Take care

Hello how are you doing? It’s nice to meet you I’m Chad :-) I was looking at your profile and thought it’d be nice to get to know you

“How are you,” is not a question, it’s filler and if I respond to it it’s going to be with a meaningless pleasantry that reveals nothing about my personality or how I’m actually doing. I’m not discouraging politeness, but take some initiative and make an effort to get to know the person you’re messaging. how to talk to people on an online dating siteThere’s nothing I hate more than carrying an entire conversation because the person I’m talking to is too lazy to contribute anything or even ask a question. If you want my attention, show a genuine interest in me. If it’s obvious that you’re copying and pasting the same message to every woman within a 25 mile radius, I’m not going to bother to reply.

It’s funny that you consider summer the off-season – I live for my summers. What do you do for fun now that you can’t ski?

This message let me talk about one of my favorite things and led to a conversation about how we prefer to spend our summers, which led to a date. That was the entire message, but he actually read my profile and asked a question that was relevant and required more than a one or two-word response. He started a conversation.

2. Ask what you want to know.

Hey there… just saw that you stopped by my profile, so I thought I’d say hi! Having any luck on here so far?

Does this guy really want to know how many dates I’ve been going on with people who aren’t him? No, this is the message of a man who wants to talk to me but has no idea what to say to an actual human woman. I use these questions quite often with decent results:

What are you reading?

Where are you from?

I want to know what someone is reading because it might give us something to talk about, or it might let me know right away that they don’t share one of my biggest interests. I ask where someone is from because most of the people in my area moved here from somewhere else, myself included, and I find the choices people made that brought them here interesting. In other words, I’m interested in their answers to my questions — I’m not just asking in hopes of getting any response at all.

3. Send brave messages.

Hi,

So your profile leads me to believe that you’re intelligent and prone to thinking. Unsurprisingly, I like these things.

Normally I’d attempt to segue into some sort of tactful screening process, desperately hoping for some sort of sign that you’re not a serial killer, but in my experience, almost no one uses OkCupid for senseless violence so I’m going give you the benefit of the doubt.

Instead I’d like to invite you to a well-lit public location for small talk and snacks. I find that meeting someone is the best way to get to know them, but if your screening process is more rigorous than mine, I’m happy to exchange a few messages here.

Jill

The exact text of a message I sent on Monday. We’re going out on Friday. I let him know why I was interested in him, I showed my personality with the second paragraph, I got to the point but tried to be flexible if he wasn’t comfortable meeting a complete stranger. Meeting someone online really isn’t that hard. This is one of those situation where putting in a little effort can go a long way — ask a few questions, stay relevant and interested, and be brave enough to take the next step.


Share your messages both good and bad in the comments. What do you respond to? What makes you cringe to the delete button?

Elust #60

elust60

Photo courtesy of Chintz Curtain.

Welcome to Elust #60 -

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #61? Start with the rules, come back August 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Shame Hurts

Of Cocks and Cunts: The Language of Erotica

#RealBodiesAreSexy

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

I may never suck another cock, but I’m still

The sofa

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

My Aftercare
YKINMK but My Kink is Not YOUR Kink either
Nerds, Pervs, and Jeffrey Dahmer
Sex Is Simple. That’s Why It’s So Complicated
Cuckolding. The Step Child of BDSM?
What Is A Man’s Role At A CFNM?
Happily whipping Jesus
What are your views on the ethics of kink?
FetLife and The Single Gal
How Porn and BDSM Helped Me

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Tall guys! You’re a bunch of sick perverts!
In Which I Fuck Up and My Uterus Saves Me
Why Is There So Much Shame?
Birds do it, Bees do it…
Little Lower Layer
Wooing, pursuing, romancing a dominant woman
Sexual Freedom. Why Do I Feel I Need to Hide.
Our Age Gap Shouldn’t Be Your Insecurity
Advanced kegel: stroking with only PC muscles
Impress your lover with these oral sex moves

Sex News,Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

The Hashtag Activism…It Burns It!
Sex Worker Etiquette
Rant Break: SCOTUS and Hobby Lobby Rage
Subs Need Classes Too!

Erotic Fiction

A Flight Attendants Secret
Relentless
Sit
Festival car park fun
Private Performance
And The Band Played On
Consequences Part One

Blogging

A warning for erotic writers and sex bloggers
Bloggy, Soggy, and Sexy

Erotic Non-Fiction

Don’t Ever Make Me Wait Again
Words

Poetry

Satan’s String – a Lusty Limerick

Writing About Writing

Writing Erotica for Trans Readers Pt 1

June Jubilee

First, congratulations to Sand — according to the Random Number Generator, she won a copy of The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy by Violet Blue! Thanks to everyone who commented; I had so much fun listening to the songs you suggested.

adult sex ed month

Adult Sex Ed Month

The big event in June was Adult Sex Ed Month — so much excellent material! A huge thanks to Ms. Quote at A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind for organizing it.

How Orgasm Saved My Life

At this point you may be wondering what the hell orgasm has to do with an eating disorder. In a word: everything. Our ability to experience pleasure, whether it be through food or sex, is intricately linked to our appetite.

 

When Women Pursue Sex, Even Men Don’t Get It

It turns out that slut-shaming leads to less sex for everyone. That’s right, attaching shame and stigma to something makes people less eager to engage in that thing.

Women want sex, and in particular, they want sex with people who really want them. But socially, many straight men still find it a turnoff when women are sexual aggressors. Which means that, for women, aggressively pursuing the thing they want actually leads to them not getting it. I suspect this is the source of much sexual dissatisfaction of the modern single lady, who’s so horny she’s running across the street to Walgreens to buy more batteries twice a week, but is unable to pick up men despite social conventions that men are “easy” to bed and women have to be coaxed into casual sex.

 

“I know I’m submissive. But where do I start?” aka “I just read Fifty Shades of Grey and I want THAT.”

Sinclair Sexsmith gives us a map on how to start submitting. It’s worth the click for the illustration alone.

Regardless of the Thing, you’ll learn. Pay attention. Put your phone away and really listen. Think about it as if you’re a scientist studying what these kinksters do. Why do they like it? What’s amazing about it? What makes them squirm, in good ways or bad ways? Even if it isn’t for you, you can still observe and learn.

The more brave you are, the more you’ll feel strong and capable and badass, and the more you’ll be able to do.

 

 True Tale: I Was a Grade School Nudist

Jill Hamilton identifies what turns something fun into something shameful:

For my sisters and I, it was the secret part that was so bad. We weren’t supposed to tell anyone about it. Knowing that I had a thing about me that people couldn’t know gave me a sense of shame that took years to shake.

 

Do As I Say, Not As I Do: The pushy double standards guys have to live with

Cava Supernova is hilarious and you should read her zealously.

The minute I feel cornered, I’ll block a dude, no matter how cool he seems – I wonder if they ever realise why? Probably not.

When I embarked on all this craziness, I was a bit wierded out to be told that women are in control.

 

On Why Penis Does Not Equal Power

Girl on the Net talks about power, who has it, and where it comes from. It’s really interesting to read another submissive woman’s take on this.

But it’s nice to take a step outside this every once in a while – think about what it is, exactly, that makes someone powerful. It might be different for different people: what makes him powerful is his voice, and the way he has with commands and words. What makes her powerful is the way she can speak volumes just with her eyes or a turn of her head. What makes them powerful is their imagination – the fantastic new things they can order their sub to do, that brings both parties to the brink of shivering climax.

 

Lackawanna

Joanne Butcher talks about desire and scarcity and how freeing it is to want.

Once I was given permission to discover my desires, to feel them, write them, express them, I saw how that opened a channel of bright energy inside me. Like in an OM, when sometimes I feel my pussy reach out to kiss and grab my stroker’s cock, it’s not that I’m going to fuck him – necessarily! – but it feels so good wanting to.

The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy

the ultimate guide to sexual fantasy by violet blue
Cleis Press sent me a copy of Violet Blue’s second edition of The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy and invited me to join the blog tour.

This book is aimed at people just beginning to explore the more shadowy corners of their imagination, but it takes some very big concepts and makes them beginner friendly. Essentially, Violet Blue breaks down sexual deviance into easy to swallow steps. [I am totally leaving that sentence as is.]

The word guide is apt. I felt like I was following a clearly marked path to perversion. (The fun kind.) Despite the detailed instructions and pragmatic explanations, this book is all about fostering creativity and creating an experience unique to your individual fantasies.

Some of the highlights:

  • Bonus erotic shorts by Alison Tyler at the end of several chapters.
  • Matter of fact headings such as “What Not to Stick in Your Butt”.
  • Detailed instructions on how to set the scene for your fantasy, including reality checks to ensure the fantasy isn’t ruined by mundane realities.
  • A realistic approach to group sex, including how to find additional partners, that shows respect for all parties.
  • A stigma-free guide to what to expect from visiting a sex worker as a couple.
  • An absolutely amazing explanation of fetishes. Chapter 9 should be read by anyone who has ever felt the slightest twinge of shame for their sexual preferences.
  • Charts to assess your risk of acquiring STIs via various sex acts and tips on how to avoid transmitting infection.

Everything is presented without shame or stigma. It is fantastic to see a diverse spectrum of options depicted as sexy possibilities, suitable for anyone with the inclination to pursue them. Violet Blue makes everything from phone sex to visiting a pro domme to a wet and messy fetish feel approachable.

My favorite part was Chapter 6: Weaving a Spell: Strip Tease, Hot Talk, and Erotic Massage. I think I do a good job of making my fantasies a reality and I generally have an adventurous sex life. Despite that, I’ve never once given a strip tease. It’s always felt outside of my capabilities: I’m clumsy and uncoordinated so enthusiastically ripping each other’s clothes off has always been more my style.

However, after reading how to set the scene, create a routine, and um…involve my audience, a strip tease no longer seems daunting — it actually sounds like fun! I have two dates lined up for the week, so I should be able to make this unexpected fantasy a reality very soon.

Cleis Press is giving away a free copy of The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy. If you want to be entered to win, just leave a comment suggesting a song I can strip to. Winner chosen at random on the 4th of July.

In the meantime, here’s an excerpt from the book:

FANTASIES FOR TWO

Talking to Your Partner

Opening yourself up and asking for something you want takes courage—but it also gives you an opportunity to learn more about what your lover likes and dislikes. Plus you might actually get what you want!

Before you tell all, put yourself in your partner’s shoes: If the two of you don’t normally talk about sex, and then suddenly one of you wants to, it might be upsetting—at first. Your lover may wonder if you’ve had sexual secrets all along. It’s also very likely that your opening up this erotic treasure trove will give your partner the opportunity to tell you what’s on their mind about sex, too.

Think about how you might bring up the subject in a way that would feel safe for you: would you feel comfortable watching a movie with a scene that resembles your fantasy, and commenting on it after the show? Or do you think you’d feel more secure waiting until you are entwined in an intimate cuddle and then asking your partner what they think about trading fantasies? Another technique you can try is stating that you want to confess a fantasy—a sexual one—and that he or she doesn’t have to reply right away. Tell them that you can have a conversation about it later; this gives both of you time to let the idea settle.

 Consider ways in which you can encourage your partner to hear you out. Ask them to suspend judgment until you can explain how much fun you think the two of you will have—and how important their participation is to you. Be sure to reassure him or her that you find them incredibly sexy, and that the conversation wouldn’t be happening unless you felt safe enough to reveal your deepest desires.

From the Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy 2nd Ed,. by Violet Blue

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eLust #59

elust59

Photo courtesy of Frisky in the 916.

Welcome to Elust #59 -

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #60? Start with the rules, come back July 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Considering Cocks
I Love Interrogation, or Diabolical Genius
Yes all Women but Not All Men Rant

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

I Kissed A Girl (& Her Man) And I Liked It

10 Things No One Warns You About Nonmonogamy

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Andromeda

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

 Sex News,Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Trigger Warnings from a Girl with PTSD
To Cheat or Not To Cheat
Why Trigger Warnings Are Important
On women in the world
Pillow Talk Secrets — We Have Lift Off!

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Boundaries
Daddy doesn’t want to have sex with a virgin
Female Masturbation…Healthy, Not Sinful.
Partner Play – Dealing with Dildophobia
Tired Of Being Alone Some Relationship Advice
On Hang Ups
How to (almost) pick up women
Sex Smell

Erotic Fiction

Dark Fantasy
Exhibit ‘O’, Pt. 1
Her cock vs his cock
The Leopard Girl
Excerpt Two from “Legacy of Desire and Blood”
The Bachelor’s Prayer
Behind the bar

Writing About Writing

I’m Sheri and I Have a Shitty Author Persona

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Navigating The Waters of BDSM
Kink’s transgressions: breaking the rules
Edges, Limits and Boundaries
Feminist Beliefs vs Bedroom Preferences—help!
No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Identification
CollarMe – Return to Sender

Poetry

Facebook Fixation – a Lusty Limerick

Erotic Non-Fiction

A Pain From Long Ago
I Just Need to Fuck You!
Meet the Amazon
When I Am Laid in Earth
Undressing
Twice
The Night Club

Events

Yes, the G-Spot is Real

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