Elust #62

SS_2014_08_SuperMan
Photo courtesy of Bawdy Bloke

Welcome to Elust #62 -

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #63? Start with the rules, come back October1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Sex Blogger Life: Real Talk

Selfies, Shame and Safety

‘Dress me like a slut and punish my cock’

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

I live in a sex-positive bubble.

Wicked Wednesday: Silent Memories

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Are you guilty of slut-shaming sex doll lovers?

Writing About Writing

Why can’t I write gay erotica?!
Cream doesn’t rise: the state of UK erotica
Coming clean about writing dirty…
The Big Book of Submission: 69 Kinky Tales

Erotic Non-Fiction

I’ve Collared Myself a Human Pony
Strapped Back In
View From The Bridal Suite
It’s a date (2/2)
Your Tears Make Me Wet.
Photograph
Spanking – the ultimate mood changer

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Yes, I am a slut. So?
M feels that labeling myself “gay” erases him
“Appearance Not Important”
Traditional sexual consent vs bdsm consent
Bigger Doesn’t Mean Better!
All in One Person: Thoughts on Non-Monogamy
I Lust, Therefore I Am
Buddhism and Poly
The Great Outdoors
My Love Is Not About You #SameSexCouples
Thinking of You
Tantra Massage For Multiple Male Orgasm

Blogging

Blogging: My Layout Pet Peeves
An Unpleasant Outing

Erotic Fiction

The Flight Attendant’s Return Home…
Kinky Cocktail Story Time: The Jelly Bean
Spanked Silent
Hunted

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Quantification of Everything (Especially Sex)
Polyphobia – The New Homophobia

Thoughts and Advice on Kink and Fetish

For Submissives.
Protocols. I Want.
When You Can’t Trust Your Body
Masters Guilt
BDSM Is Not (the only) Kink
Fetal

 

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Penis Size Matters

Penis size matters

South Park TMIPenis size matters because it influences the way people feel about themselves; it’s a perception that can build or destroy confidence, and confidence makes all the difference in sex and dating. I want to fuck and date people whose high opinion of themselves matches my high opinion of them. I think that can only happen if we treat all bodies with respect, even if they don’t match our fantasies.

Why am I writing about this? I get that reading about penis size from the perspective of a cis woman might not be logical, but this horrible culture of shame is creating some awful sex. The guy who thought having a big dick made him good in bed was just the tip of the…ha, well the tip of something.

A few years ago I was in bed with a friend and delighted to find myself there. This was someone I cared about and routinely had fun with, so sex sounded like a great time. As soon as his pants came off, things changed. He became tense and uncomfortable, so much so that we never did have sex. The problem? He had a tiny penis.

It was undeniably small and my first reaction (that I did not share) was to wonder if he had some sort of medical condition. My second reaction (that I did share) was enthusiasm over his foreskin. I’d never had sex with someone uncircumcised before and I was very into this particular new experience.

I do not privilege my penis size preferences over the actual body of the human being in bed with me. @nakedjillUnfortunately my genuine enthusiasm about one aspect of his penis was not enough to make up for his insecurity about another aspect. It was a frustrating evening for both of us, but if had he been able to feel more secure about his body, it could have been different. I still wanted to have sex with him after I saw his penis. While I do have preferences about penis size, I do not privilege those preferences over the actual body of the human being in bed with me.

Another incident occurred when I met a guy online and had an amazing time talking to him. We were arranging our first meeting and we both agreed that sex was an option, but not a given. Sounds good thus far, right?

It was great until he started talking about his penis. He wanted me to know before we even met that it wasn’t big. I’m not sure how small it was or if it was somewhere in the realm of average because his insecurities scared me away. I was fine with the idea of a smaller penis — I wanted to meet this person, and his penis size didn’t change that — but he just couldn’t believe that.

He talked about it for two solid hours until I didn’t want to hear another word about his dick and realized that the only way to make that happen was to never speak to him again. I’m sure he thinks that I ghosted because of his penis size, but I just didn’t share his size obsession. He thought he had a small cock and it destroyed both his confidence and our potential date.

Our cultural obsession with penis size fucks up my dates and hurts people I care about. There’s more to good sex than a big dick and there’s more to a person than dick size.

Our culture attempts to prey on our insecurities.

Everyone knows that size matters. It’s reinforced every day — I have a spam folder full of emails offering make make my nonexistent dick bigger. From an early age — years before puberty sets in — society tells us it is essential to have a big cock. Not only does size matter, it’s more important than anything else.

Preteens start shaming each other for the sin of potentially having a small penis and it only escalates from there. This is so profound and so common that even people with big dicks think they’re average or below average. The ideal of having a big dick seems so unattainable that the people who actually possess them are incapable of seeing themselves objectively.

Everyone deserves the power to look at their body and see it for what it is. @nakedjillThat is unspeakably fucked up. Everyone deserves the power to look at their body and see it for what it is. Not only that, everyone should be able to love their body without having to compare it to external messages about its worth or lack thereof. This culture of shame is doing real damage.

Porn doesn’t help, of course

Most penis size discussions circle around to the sizes we see in porn. The actors in porn are almost always well above average and porn is often the first, and sometimes only, exposure people get to a variety of penises. Seeing nothing but statistically unlikely penises would skew anyone’s perspective. Not only might it make men think they’re small, it might give their partners unrealistic expectations.

I’ve slept with two men who did porn. One had an average sized penis and did not seem at all insecure. The other had a rather large penis, but spent most of his life believing he was below average. Part of the reason he chose to perform was to erase the stigma of having a small penis…an inaccurate stigma he felt compelled to assign to himself.

Masculinity is fucking vague

I don’t think porn is the big problem. I suspect that more and more people are completely at a loss about how to define masculinity. The definition often seems to be having sex at whim is masculine, thus porn is masculine, thus having a big dick is an important part of masculinity.

While I value masculinity, I think it’s a choice that people make, and you can choose to be masculine even if you do not have a penis at all. I know that having a small penis does not detract from my perception of anyone’s masculinity. It isn’t so ephemeral that one little thing (literally) can take it away.

Bodies matter

I have a strict policy about only dating people who accept and appreciate my body. No one needs to worship every mole and eyelash, but they do have to be enthusiastic about the overall package. My body deserves respect and so does yours. We all have our preferences, but we need to be able to separate fantasy from reality and appreciate the real bodies we encounter.

Treating my partners’ bodies with respect and affection isn’t always enough, but it’s the least I can do. This was a long post about penis size and why it matter and honestly, I’m not sure I had anything more useful to say than this episode of South Park. Still, I hope it helps people understand that penis size matters because confidence matters.

Naked All the Time

“How to enjoy sex when both partners are naked?”

Fire by Armene

Naked bodies do not need to be sexual.
(Photo by Armene.)

Every now and then someone finds my blog by searching for something like “how to have sex naked” and it shocks me every time. Who doesn’t have sex naked? Even when I wear some sort of costume, most of it comes off before we’re through. I thought having sex in the nude was standard behavior.

Apparently I was wrong. It turns out that many, many people are more comfortable having sex while covered, either by clothes, blankets, or darkness. If that is something you enjoy, by all means keep doing what works for you. However most people seem to remain covered because nudity makes them feel insecure or anxious and those feelings lead to some fucking awful sex. I have some tips for how to have sex naked and I hope they lead to better sex.

Enjoy your own naked body

I spend a lot of time naked. I sleep naked. I have sex naked. I visit the local nude beach. I used to have roommates who were nudity friendly, but I live alone now and I rarely wear clothes at home. When I masturbate, I touch my body.

I am one of the many people who find me attractive. I approach sex with respect for both my body and my partner’s body because bodies matter. This seems so basic to me, but those search terms routinely come up.

Look at your body naked. Pay attention to it when you shower and look in the mirror as you’re getting dressed. Take some pictures of it and share them with your lover, your friends, the entire internet, or no one at all. Don’t focus on your imperfections, let yourself appreciate what makes you beautiful.

If you read that last sentence and immediately thought about how unattractive you are, go find a mirror and prove yourself wrong. Now.

Spend time naked in a nonsexual setting

Don't focus on your imperfections. Let yourself appreciate what makes you beautiful.When I was 17 I discovered a clothing-optional women’s music festival just an hour away from my home. I attended for the next eight years, every year until I moved to Nevada, and it changed my life. I was exposed to bodies of all different shapes, sizes, and ages in a loving and supportive environment. As I learned to appreciate other people’s bodies, I learned to love my own.

At 30, I’m still benefiting from that festival and the body-positive attitude I learned there. I am very comfortable being naked and I can be naked and see other naked bodies without immediately sexualizing things. Seeing other women naked in a nonsexual setting made a huge difference in my life.

I realize that spending a week in the woods with naked lesbians is not a practical solution for everyone. However, this is the internet and there are plenty of pictures of naked people around. Try to find a diverse array of bodies and actively try to appreciate something about each body you see, even if it does nothing for you sexually. Start with The Expose Project and The Nu Project for women, and Normal Nudes for everyone. If you know of any male or trans specific sites, please share them in the comments.

Being naked with another person allows you to explore and appreciate their body and it can also teach you to value your own. We tend to judge other people more kindly than we judge ourselves, so seeing that we don’t care about someone else’s stretch marks or stray hairs makes it easier to accept our own.

Try emotional nakedness

It starts with me. I have to be honest with myself before I can be honest with anyone else.There’s another reason I chose “Naked All the Time” as the title of my blog. My propensity for physical nudity is easy to accomplish and it’s fun. However, emotional nakedness is often difficult for me and “Naked All the Time” reminds me to be honest with myself and to acknowledge and act on my feelings.

Once I’m comfortable being vulnerable with someone, physical nakedness is almost automatic. If I can share my feelings with someone, why would I attempt to hide what I look like? It starts with me though; I have to be honest with myself before I can be honest with anyone else.

I try to use this approach when I date. I tell my dates that I’m excited to meet them, or that I had a great time with them, or that I don’t think things are going to work out. I’m honest about how I’m feeling and I try to know the difference between boundaries and barriers.

Obviously good boundaries are important, but it’s not a good idea to hold so much of yourself back that it’s impossible to get to know you. A history, even a brief history, of setting boundaries rather than barriers from the very beginning is one of the first steps to establishing trust. Being willing to be emotionally naked makes for some incredible physical nakedness when the time comes.

The Best Sex and Dating Posts of August 2014

The Best Sex and Dating Posts August 2014I read some amazing blog posts this month and these are the ones that I’m still thinking about. Rori is looking for the best sex blogger post of the year and it is going to be impossible to narrow it down to three.

Did I miss anything? Send me a link to the posts I missed — self-promotion encouraged.

The Dirty Normal

Emily has a fantastic series on how men can compliment women. As that I find compliments fascinating, 1 I think you should check out the entire series:

Vagina Antics

Two from Vagina Antics this month. First, Nikki Blue talks about sex and obligation and how to find a balance. It’s important stuff and she handles it beautifully.

“You didn’t have to fuck me,” I said.

“But I felt like I did.”

And there it was. Regardless of how exhausted or how ill he was, he felt pressured to fuck me to make up for the time we’d been apart; to keep me happy.

For the first time in our relationship, I felt like an obligation– a sex one.

Heather Cole somehow manages to describe her last night with her sir in a way that’s both scintillating and vulnerable.

My cheeks turned scarlet, but I was grinning too. His pleasure and satisfaction with the situation were almost palpable, and I felt an overwhelming sense of pride. I did that for him. On our last night together, I had given him a memory unique to any other experience we had in our collective sexual pasts. I was his girl, and I didn’t know of a better way to show it.

Dr. NerdLove

Harris O’Malley dissects toxic masculinity and how it hurts men, women, and everyone.

See, one of the unspoken tenets of hypermasculinity is that masculinity is an external creation – and that means it’s something that ultimately taken from you. Not just lost, mind you, actively taken.

Not Just Bitchy

Stabbity talks about service and makes me realize that while I love providing service to my partner, I am not a service sub.

I understand that it can be hard to let go of the vision of your ideal relationship, but come on guys. Either you give a shit about the actual living breathing human being you’re in a relationship with or you don’t. If you care more about the fantasy than the person, don’t go acting all surprised when she doesn’t seem to care that much about what you want either.

CAVA Supernova

Cava Supernova is branching out into BDSM and it is ridiculously hot to read about. Make sure you don’t miss part two.

There, sprawled out like a giant starfish and dead to the world, lay six foot three of slumbering 22-year-old.

All arms and legs and tufty bed-hair, he was lying on his back, wearing strangely familiar underwear.

Black knickers.

Black lace knickers with little pink frills.

My knickers.

His morning hard-on had sprung bloke-ishly out of one of the lace-trimmed leg holes.

Girl On the Net

Girl On the Net tackles the fucked up system of using strippers as corporate incentives. Read the comments.

I hope you’ll cry ‘thank Christ for that, I don’t have to live up to this weird cut-out stereotype of masculinity any more.’ I hope you’ll realise that bringing women into an industry and kicking obligatory sex shows out of it is a net win for all of us. And I hope that in fifty years time you look back not on the ‘good old days’ of Pete from Head Office treating you to a lapdance, but the even better days of not feeling forced into some weird misogynist ritual just to prove your worth in the workplace.

 Dumb Domme

The end of a relationship is awful so I really appreciate what Dumb Domme is sharing with us.

The last ring stays on our collar.

If our paths cross again, I want to put our rings back on our collar and put the collar back on the boy. I want him to be my boy again — not forever, but maybe for a little while.

It’s not a promise, it’s not wishful thinking, and it’s not false hope. It’s possibility.

It’s all I’ve got at the moment, and that’s what I’m holding onto.

Just Being Honest

I'm not being mean, I'm just being honest.

If you have to tell people you’re not being mean, you are.

Welcome to another episode of “Things I Hate About Craigslist Personals!” Not that this shitty behavior is limited to Craigslist, but that’s what I was reading when I remembered how much I hate the phrase “just being honest”.

You’re not being honest, you’re being fucking rude

People use this phrase when they’ve just said something they know is offensive, but they don’t want to deal with the consequences of being a douche.

“Like my tittle says im just being honest…im looking for a woman u see I used that word because I dnt have time for little girl games, so im looking for a lady that can be my gf but that dnt mind that I have a man..”

She doesn’t have time for “little girl games” but she’s advertising in W4W for a partner for herself and her boyfriend? No, she’s not being honest, she’s being entitled.

“I tend to like females who are cute, healthy, fun, 18-30’ish and with big boobs. I recently had a young girlfriend with big boobs and I enjoyed it quite a bit (just being honest).”

This guy is 47 but he’s only looking for women 1/2 – 2/3 his age with big boobs. He goes on and on about how much he likes busty women (I cut most of his post to spare you), but he never manages to talk about women, including his ex,1 as anything more than a set of (big, did he mention he likes big?) tits.

He’s not being honest, he’s objectifying women. He didn’t even have the decency to put this bullshit in casual encounters.

“Just being honest” is an apology

Someone shares something about themselves or politely states a preference and then immediately apologizes with “just being honest”. I see this all the time, and while it’s not rude, it doesn’t show you at your best if you’re apologizing for being who you are.

“I also have a very high sex drive just being honest.”

It is okay to have a high sex drive — especially if you’re advertising for a hookup on Craigslist. However, there’s never any reason to apologize for your sex drive; compatible sex drives are hugely important in any relationship. Just be judicious about when you mention it: it’s cool to say so right away if you’re looking for a friend with benefits, 2 but wait until sex comes up organically if you’re looking for a more traditional relationship.

“this is all new to me, I am a little slow on how to do this I am just being honest”

New to online dating? Dating for the first time in a very long time? Never tried Craigslist before? There’s no need to apologize for any of that. If you’re polite, practice good communication, and treat others the way you want to be treated, you’ll learn quickly with a minimum of misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

“I prefer the corporate/fashion type. Call me shallow but im just being honest in what i want!”

You get to be attracted to who you're attracted to. No apologies. #attraction

Speaking as someone with only one real pair of heels (they look fantastic with my maid uniform), I’m never going to call you shallow just because you prefer someone else’s fashion sense. Looks do matter and it’s important to be attracted to your date. As long as you express your preferences politely, without bashing people who don’t match those preferences, there is no need to apologize for this.

Many people seem to believe that it is rude not to be physically attracted to everyone, regardless of body type, fashion sense, or other physical characteristics. No. Just no. You get to be attracted to who you’re attracted to. You do have to respect other people and their own preferences, but you don’t have to share them.


I recently started using Bloglovin’ and I’m enjoying it. You can follow me here, but who should I be following? Self-promotion encouraged.


  1. Under no circumstances is it a good idea to mention your ex in your personal ad.

  2. Unless you harp on it incessantly. I once had lunch with a guy as a pre-sex meet and greet and he spent the entire time talking about his high sex drive and big cock and how hard it was to find a woman who could take all the sex his enormous cock needed. After 45 minutes of talking about nothing but his sex drive, I never wanted to see him again.

eLust #61

elust61 maria opens up

Photo courtesy of Maria Opens Up

Welcome to Elust #61 -

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #62? Start with the rules, come back September1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Bloggers, please
I Touch Myself
Stunt Porn / People Porn

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Is sex unsexy? A ‘His & Hers’ post
Van Gogh, an erotic author and a selfie…

 ~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

His Desires

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Anorgasmia in women
One Week On
chatterbox
Safe Craigslist Hookups
Online Dating: How to Talk to People
Stealth Sex Toys-Stash Management
Last Longer In Bed For Men Naturally

Erotic Non-Fiction

Spicing Up Sex Life
Gasp, Shake, Thank You
Again and Again
Fapping to My Photos and Stories
Did you miss me?
Desire….What happens when you can’t succumb?
Off Balance
On the Sofa
The Solace of My Body
Self Given
Orgasms & Ice Cream
Skid Marks

Sex News,Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Nasty
Jacky au royaume des filles
What makes a sex writer?
Dubrovnik whore as metaphor 4 Balkan politics
Am I Pretty or Ugly?

Erotic Fiction

Lonely observations
Fucking and Being Fucked
The Churning Black, Part 4
A Return to Purpose
Bang on Target!
Polished
Please
My Night With Lilith

Writing About Writing

Words That Shouldn’t Be In Erotica
Transhumanist Erotica: Jacked In

Blogging

Just One Look

Thoughts and Advice on Kink and Fetish

The Hotness Of Cockteasing A Guy In Chastity
My eyes are over here
Submissive Men 101 Facts
Emotional Masochism
The time I made him make me safeword

Poetry

Frame Game – A Lusty Limerick

Events

Diana J Torres- Vagaculation Workshop

Craigslist Personals: Appearance Not Important

First, congratulations to Pearl for winning a copy of Can’t Get Enough!


appearance not important

“Huh, he’s a communist. . . . Look at this. ‘Exciting uninhibited woman seeks forward thinking comrade and appearance not important.’ . . . Appearance Not Important! This is unbelievable. Finally, this is an ideology I can embrace.”

I have responded to a lot of Craigslist ads and nothing makes me hit the back button faster than reading that looks don’t matter. This probably comes as a surprise to people who use this line, but I find the concept disgusting. I’m going to explain just why you should never, ever say that appearance isn’t important.

“Looks don’t matter” is utter bullshit.

Maybe appearance isn’t your primary criteria. Maybe you’re specifically looking for someone outside the conventional definition of beauty. Maybe you’re genuinely attracted to a wide range of bodies. None of that changes the fact that what someone looks like does influence how we choose our romantic and sexual partners. Give your potential partners credit for understanding basic human nature. Don’t attempt to manipulate someone with your opening line.

Bodies do matter.

looks don't matterWhen I’m looking for casual sex, I want a fun physical experience and my body is an integral to that experience. If you’re touching my body, I want you to enjoy every moment of it; I want you to value the body you are fucking. There is far more to my body than what I look like, but my appearance is a part of me and I love it. I expect the people I date and the people I fuck to appreciate it, and that includes my appearance.

Saying “appearance not important” is potentially unsafe.

If you don’t value my body enough to see me as physically attractive, do you value me enough to keep me safe via safer sex practices? Will you value me enough to respect my input on the experience I want to have? Can you value me enough to appreciate my efforts to give you pleasure, even if they deviate from your fantasy? As my date or my random, being physically attracted to me is one of the first things you can do to demonstrate your respect and good will. If you’re not attracted to me, show us both some respect by politely declining sex or a date with me.

It makes you sound desperate and unattractive.

Why doesn’t appearance matter to you? Regardless of your reasons, making a point of announcing it will make people wonder about you and it can easily lead to negative assumptions. Typically the more discerning you can afford to be, the more attractive you so if you don’t care about your partner’s appearance, you can’t be attractive. Or perhaps you have other undesirable qualities rendering so desperate for sex you’re willing to take anyone you can get. I realize that logic is flawed, but how much time do you spend reading and analyzing Craigslist ads? I spend just seconds on each ad and Craigslist personals are not the place to give people the benefit of the doubt. Immediately stating that looks don’t matter does not give you an advantage.

What to say instead

I assume that most people who say things like this do so with good intentions. Perhaps you want everyone feel comfortable contacting you. Maybe you’re just trying to avoid prematurely eliminating potential partners. Maybe you have a thing for women with low self-esteem. Whatever. Instead, give people the opportunity to be attractive. Put a positive spin on it and talk about what you like rather than acting like someone’s body isn’t important.

  • “I’m attracted to a wide variety of body types.”
  • “I appreciate that bodies are diverse and I find it easy to see beauty in everyone.”
  • “Your brain will make me love your body.”

How do you approach looks and appearance on Craigslist? Talk to me in the comments or on Twitter.

Can’t Get Enough Blog Tour and Giveaway

can't get enough tenille brown

When Cleis Press offered me a chance to be a part of another blog tour I happily accepted — I had no idea that I’d be working 60 hour work weeks in the two weeks leading up to my tour date. Had I known, I doubt I would have said yes so I would have missed out on the best relaxation tool ever.

I have been coming home tired and stressed. I just want to relax and take a nap. You know what helps me relax? Orgasms. You know what helps me have orgasms? A book full of sexy short stories. If I counted correctly (and after the last two weeks, I’m not sure that I did), there are 27 stories packed into this 204 page book.

So, instead of devouring this book in one or two lazy mornings in bed as I usually do, I’d read a story or two (and often three) after work, have an orgasm, and feel much better about life in general. It has been the best 20 minutes of my day for about two weeks now.

The stories collected by Tenille Brown matched my mood nicely. It’s all about the urgency, that need for sex, or an orgasm, or another person that must be met right now. The short story format doesn’t leave room for extraneous details; these stories are all about the action so I could fit one or two into even the most stressful days.

Here’s an excerpt so you can see what I’m talking about:

Excerpt from “When He Gets Home” by Lucy Felthouse, part of the larger anthology Can’t Get Enough: Erotica for Women edited by Tenille Brown

The moment Nina heard the rumble of her husband’s car engine as he pulled into the drive, she dropped her book and all but leapt out of her chair. Moving fast across the living room, then through the kitchen, she flung open the internal door that led into the garage. Walking in, she closed it behind her. Standing, arms folded, one foot tapping repeatedly on the floor, she waited for Owen to drive the car into the garage, then press the button that shut the door behind him and the vehicle. When the bottom of the up-and-over touched concrete and the car’s ignition was shut off, she practically ran around to the driver’s side and tugged the door open before Owen got the chance.

The sight of his wife standing there, an indeterminable expression on her face, made Owen’s heart sink. He had no idea what was going on, and she never normally came into the garage to meet him when he got home. She didn’t look very happy, either. He didn’t speak, as he suspected whatever he said would be the wrong thing.

Nina didn’t speak, either. There were no words to explain what she was thinking and feeling right now, so she decided that instead of talking, she’d just act. That decided, she leaned forward and touched the button to recline the seat Owen was sitting in. She smirked at his expression—the poor man had no idea what was coming to him. She was going to make sure he’d never forget it, either.

Owen’s body jerked as he responded to the shock of the back support disappearing from behind him. Nina’s expression still looked strange—yet eerily beautiful—and when she rested a palm on his chest and shoved him, he landed on the now-flat backrest with a thump that knocked the air out of his lungs. “W-what are you—?” His hastily spoken words were cut off when Nina straddled his lap and silenced him by leaning down and pressing her lips to his.

Nina couldn’t help but find Owen’s reaction amusing. He looked as though he thought she was going to kill him or something. Despite that, she felt his cock hardening beneath her and was glad her husband’s body was ready, even if his brain couldn’t quite catch up. She knelt up enough so she could slide her hand between their bodies and cup his crotch, squeezing and stroking his rapidly growing erection.

One of my favorite stories was “Rocket Fuel” by Jacqueline Applebee. It’s about a woman who obtains superpowers from cum and it’s both hot and hilarious. Cleis Press is giving away a copy of Can’t Get Enough, and if you want to enter to win just leave a comment telling me what cum-induced superpower you want. Right now, I’m inclined to want super stamina…

Winner chosen on Tuesday, August 12th.

Online Dating: How to Start a Conversation

I received a ton of new messages this week and I’m ignoring most of them because they were fucking awful. None of them were unkind or crude, but a lack of effort put into the very first message sent to a complete stranger that you want to fuck is sad. Let’s go over a few guidelines for writing a decent message.

1. Ask a fucking question.

Hi How are you today ? I am moving to [nearby town] next week for my new job in a research lab. So, i am looking for new friends and people to hangout with. If you are interested, please reply and then we can talk further. Take care

Hello how are you doing? It’s nice to meet you I’m Chad :-) I was looking at your profile and thought it’d be nice to get to know you

“How are you,” is not a question, it’s filler and if I respond to it it’s going to be with a meaningless pleasantry that reveals nothing about my personality or how I’m actually doing. I’m not discouraging politeness, but take some initiative and make an effort to get to know the person you’re messaging. how to talk to people on an online dating siteThere’s nothing I hate more than carrying an entire conversation because the person I’m talking to is too lazy to contribute anything or even ask a question. If you want my attention, show a genuine interest in me. If it’s obvious that you’re copying and pasting the same message to every woman within a 25 mile radius, I’m not going to bother to reply.

It’s funny that you consider summer the off-season – I live for my summers. What do you do for fun now that you can’t ski?

This message let me talk about one of my favorite things and led to a conversation about how we prefer to spend our summers, which led to a date. That was the entire message, but he actually read my profile and asked a question that was relevant and required more than a one or two-word response. He started a conversation.

2. Ask what you want to know.

Hey there… just saw that you stopped by my profile, so I thought I’d say hi! Having any luck on here so far?

Does this guy really want to know how many dates I’ve been going on with people who aren’t him? No, this is the message of a man who wants to talk to me but has no idea what to say to an actual human woman. I use these questions quite often with decent results:

What are you reading?

Where are you from?

I want to know what someone is reading because it might give us something to talk about, or it might let me know right away that they don’t share one of my biggest interests. I ask where someone is from because most of the people in my area moved here from somewhere else, myself included, and I find the choices people made that brought them here interesting. In other words, I’m interested in their answers to my questions — I’m not just asking in hopes of getting any response at all.

3. Send brave messages.

Hi,

So your profile leads me to believe that you’re intelligent and prone to thinking. Unsurprisingly, I like these things.

Normally I’d attempt to segue into some sort of tactful screening process, desperately hoping for some sort of sign that you’re not a serial killer, but in my experience, almost no one uses OkCupid for senseless violence so I’m going give you the benefit of the doubt.

Instead I’d like to invite you to a well-lit public location for small talk and snacks. I find that meeting someone is the best way to get to know them, but if your screening process is more rigorous than mine, I’m happy to exchange a few messages here.

Jill

The exact text of a message I sent on Monday. We’re going out on Friday. I let him know why I was interested in him, I showed my personality with the second paragraph, I got to the point but tried to be flexible if he wasn’t comfortable meeting a complete stranger. Meeting someone online really isn’t that hard. This is one of those situation where putting in a little effort can go a long way — ask a few questions, stay relevant and interested, and be brave enough to take the next step.


Share your messages both good and bad in the comments. What do you respond to? What makes you cringe to the delete button?

Elust #60

elust60

Photo courtesy of Chintz Curtain.

Welcome to Elust #60 -

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #61? Start with the rules, come back August 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Shame Hurts

Of Cocks and Cunts: The Language of Erotica

#RealBodiesAreSexy

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

I may never suck another cock, but I’m still

The sofa

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

My Aftercare
YKINMK but My Kink is Not YOUR Kink either
Nerds, Pervs, and Jeffrey Dahmer
Sex Is Simple. That’s Why It’s So Complicated
Cuckolding. The Step Child of BDSM?
What Is A Man’s Role At A CFNM?
Happily whipping Jesus
What are your views on the ethics of kink?
FetLife and The Single Gal
How Porn and BDSM Helped Me

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Tall guys! You’re a bunch of sick perverts!
In Which I Fuck Up and My Uterus Saves Me
Why Is There So Much Shame?
Birds do it, Bees do it…
Little Lower Layer
Wooing, pursuing, romancing a dominant woman
Sexual Freedom. Why Do I Feel I Need to Hide.
Our Age Gap Shouldn’t Be Your Insecurity
Advanced kegel: stroking with only PC muscles
Impress your lover with these oral sex moves

Sex News,Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

The Hashtag Activism…It Burns It!
Sex Worker Etiquette
Rant Break: SCOTUS and Hobby Lobby Rage
Subs Need Classes Too!

Erotic Fiction

A Flight Attendants Secret
Relentless
Sit
Festival car park fun
Private Performance
And The Band Played On
Consequences Part One

Blogging

A warning for erotic writers and sex bloggers
Bloggy, Soggy, and Sexy

Erotic Non-Fiction

Don’t Ever Make Me Wait Again
Words

Poetry

Satan’s String – a Lusty Limerick

Writing About Writing

Writing Erotica for Trans Readers Pt 1

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