“How to enjoy sex when both partners are naked?”
Every now and then someone finds my blog by searching for something like “how to have sex naked” and it shocks me every time. Who doesn’t have sex naked? Even when I wear some sort of costume, most of it comes off before we’re through. I thought having sex in the nude was standard behavior.
Apparently I was wrong. It turns out that many, many people are more comfortable having sex while covered, either by clothes, blankets, or darkness. If that is something you enjoy, by all means keep doing what works for you. However most people seem to remain covered because nudity makes them feel insecure or anxious and those feelings lead to some fucking awful sex. I have some tips for how to have sex naked and I hope they lead to better sex.
Enjoy your own naked body
I spend a lot of time naked. I sleep naked. I have sex naked. I visit the local nude beach. I used to have roommates who were nudity friendly, but I live alone now and I rarely wear clothes at home. When I masturbate, I touch my body.
I am one of the many people who find me attractive. I approach sex with respect for both my body and my partner’s body because bodies matter. This seems so basic to me, but those search terms routinely come up.
Look at your body naked. Pay attention to it when you shower and look in the mirror as you’re getting dressed. Take some pictures of it and share them with your lover, your friends, the entire internet, or no one at all. Don’t focus on your imperfections, let yourself appreciate what makes you beautiful.
If you read that last sentence and immediately thought about how unattractive you are, go find a mirror and prove yourself wrong. Now.
Spend time naked in a nonsexual setting
When I was 17 I discovered a clothing-optional women’s music festival just an hour away from my home. I attended for the next eight years, every year until I moved to Nevada, and it changed my life. I was exposed to bodies of all different shapes, sizes, and ages in a loving and supportive environment. As I learned to appreciate other people’s bodies, I learned to love my own.
At 30, I’m still benefiting from that festival and the body-positive attitude I learned there. I am very comfortable being naked and I can be naked and see other naked bodies without immediately sexualizing things. Seeing other women naked in a nonsexual setting made a huge difference in my life.
I realize that spending a week in the woods with naked lesbians is not a practical solution for everyone. However, this is the internet and there are plenty of pictures of naked people around. Try to find a diverse array of bodies and actively try to appreciate something about each body you see, even if it does nothing for you sexually. Start with The Expose Project and The Nu Project for women, and Normal Nudes for everyone. If you know of any male or trans specific sites, please share them in the comments.
Being naked with another person allows you to explore and appreciate their body and it can also teach you to value your own. We tend to judge other people more kindly than we judge ourselves, so seeing that we don’t care about someone else’s stretch marks or stray hairs makes it easier to accept our own.
Try emotional nakedness
There’s another reason I chose “Naked All the Time” as the title of my blog. My propensity for physical nudity is easy to accomplish and it’s fun. However, emotional nakedness is often difficult for me and “Naked All the Time” reminds me to be honest with myself and to acknowledge and act on my feelings.
Once I’m comfortable being vulnerable with someone, physical nakedness is almost automatic. If I can share my feelings with someone, why would I attempt to hide what I look like? It starts with me though; I have to be honest with myself before I can be honest with anyone else.
I try to use this approach when I date. I tell my dates that I’m excited to meet them, or that I had a great time with them, or that I don’t think things are going to work out. I’m honest about how I’m feeling and I try to know the difference between boundaries and barriers.
Obviously good boundaries are important, but it’s not a good idea to hold so much of yourself back that it’s impossible to get to know you. A history, even a brief history, of setting boundaries rather than barriers from the very beginning is one of the first steps to establishing trust. Being willing to be emotionally naked makes for some incredible physical nakedness when the time comes.